I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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