Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
