Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
we're so committed to being not committed
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