1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
