I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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