First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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