Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
