thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
