gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
