There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
