all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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