oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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