so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
