i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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