plz talk dirty to me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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