Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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