at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
