from now on my penis is your penis
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
