hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
