I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
