i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
