drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
