I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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