I have demons in me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
