from now on my penis is your penis
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
this will be a night to untag.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
