You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
