when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
