I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
