oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
