Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
