hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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