Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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