due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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