My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
