South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
