Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
