she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
