Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
