"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
