dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
