Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
