I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
