i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
