Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
