i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
