Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
