my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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