It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I pour the whiskey from now on
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
