Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize