Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
