I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
