Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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