A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
