i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
