normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
