so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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