No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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