Cold hands, warm shart.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
