The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
