My hand turned me down
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
