Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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