Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
