I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
