If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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