i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I didn't notice because vodka
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
