i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
