Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
