yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
