My room smells like vodka and shame
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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