It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
