47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
