i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
