I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize