You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
