Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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