She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
