I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
