you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
