hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
