wat bout pragnant strippers??
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
