New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
