Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
