I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
