I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you never un-have a 4some
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
