The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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