theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
