i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
