I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
True strength comes from lack of pants
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
