Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
