Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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