I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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